Recently I’ve been struggling a bit, in all aspect of things. Money (but thats the usual one) Work - I now work 6 days a week and it’s pretty tiring.
Because I’m busy so often now it makes it difficult to be social, and recently I’ve actually stopped caring so much?
I’m used to being that friend that’s invisible, the one no one talks to much until they see them and hang out with them. And most of all I’m used to being the friend that “doesn’t understand” It’s always been that way and in the past I’ve lost alot of friends because I’ve not “understood” them. And so they’ve looked on for more friends I who do understand them.
I’m actually pretty tired of these people in my life now. Just because I don’t agree with some things or see something differently. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends or anything anymore. I don’t need to understand something to know I want to be your friend, to enjoy your friendship and company.
I don’t try to understand something if I don’t agree, have experienced it. But more often than not people think I’m coming across as heartless and not trying. When most of the time I am, just now I’m tired of it. Tired of being pushed away because I don’t share that and you can find someone else who does understand.
I could list examples and examples.
I have friends who must ALWAYS be in a relationship despite it’s ups and downs. Just because I have no interest in dating doesn’t mean I don’t know the goods and bads of it. (and more often than not I’ve called it right but was pushed to the side because of it :/)
I have friends who are overly concerned with their body appearance, some more openly some not. Do I question their choices? No, if they are unhappy with how they look it’s fine, I know alot of people are, myself included. But just because I enjoy my food, don’t actively work hard to work on myself….even if I think my friends look okay, if they think they aren’t who am I to say.
I have friends who self harm, do I support it and partake in it? No. Will I scold them and make them uncomfortable because of this? No.
I could go on and on and on. But for once this isn’t about them, this is about me.
There are alot of people out there who do like me, there are alot who don’t. In the past month I have become thankful for the ones who really do.
TL:DR this isn’t linear this is just some thoughts in my head I want to write out. All about me.